透明小鱼渣

猪头酒吧的主人招来了他应有的含沙射影。但他也值得因做出了明智的决定而获得赞誉。

那么如果阿不福思·邓布利多喜欢山羊呢？他的守护神是一只山羊。他养了山羊。照顾它们。喜欢与山羊有关的小说。但我们不需要纠结于此。

关键在于阿不福思·邓布利多也是哈利·波特书中的无名英雄。毕竟，他在故事的关键时刻帮助了哈利，而且从不害怕与别人发生冲突。

所以阿不福思不是个喜欢交际的人。例如，他骄傲地拒绝邪恶的骗子蒙顿格斯·弗莱奇进入猪头酒吧，并与他保持着长期的怨恨。他被指控向与他意见相左的人扔粪便——自然是山羊粪便。他经常倾向于把亲密的伙伴描述为“该死的傻瓜”或“老傻瓜”。

但是，当你考虑他的生平故事时，这种古怪是可以理解的。

小时候，阿不福思看到他无辜的妹妹因为与众不同而被麻瓜袭击。他的妹妹——阿利安娜——继续避开大多数人，除了阿不福思。尽管努力去控制她的魔法能力，阿利安娜在一次暴力爆发中意外杀死了他们的母亲。与此同时，他的哥哥——杰出的阿不思·邓布利多——能够专注于他的工作，成为霍格沃茨的校长，并作为伟人之一载入史册。

阿不福思当然有权有点不高兴，而且他当然是不高兴的。他的喜怒无常意味着阿不福思热衷于战斗，喜欢在辩论中决斗。他当然不是完美的，而且很可能是文盲——据他自己的兄弟说。

但阿不福思在对抗黑暗势力中的关键作用怎么强调都不为过。

他在他山羊一样的守护神的掩护下偷偷把哈利、罗恩和赫敏带进了猪头酒吧，逃避食死徒。作为一个悲观主义者，他与哈利争执不下，质疑阿不思将世界命运托付给这个活下来的年轻男孩的明智判断。

他还维持着一条重要的生命线，为有求必应屋提供食物，没有这条生命线，邓布利多的军队可能会陷入困境。

需要更有说服力？在最后一次邪恶的食死徒袭击中，如果没有通过他心爱的妹妹的肖像，进入的通往猪头的通道，数百名被解放的学生们将永远无法逃离霍格沃茨。

更多？如果阿不福思没有派他的小精灵伙伴，把哈利和他的朋友们从贝拉特里克斯·莱斯特兰奇的魔掌中救出来，多比就永远不会在马尔福庄园化险为夷。

甚至，除了那些英雄事迹之外，阿不福思对文明的主要贡献也经常被忽视。如果不是因为阿不福思在几十年前的魔杖大战中的英勇行为，邪恶早就在哈利出生之前就已经取得了胜利。

当邓布利多一家还住在家里时，盖勒特·格林德沃拜访了阿不思。成绩优异的阿不思被年轻的格林德沃惊人的能力和魅力所吸引。很快，邓布利多就卷入了格林德沃在全球范围内征服麻瓜的计划。汇集他们大量的资源，他们本可以改变历史。为了保护阿利安娜，阿不福思以一场与格林德沃和阿不思决斗终结了灾难性的后果。

当然，这是一场杀死了阿利安娜的决斗。没有人知道到底是谁的魔杖出了问题，但是格林德沃逃跑了，他用剧痛的钻心咒使阿不福思失去了能力。

在阿不福思在他们妹妹的葬礼上打断了阿不思的鼻子之后，两兄弟之间数十年的怨恨随之而来。

但是格林德沃走了，阿不思很快就从一条本是黑暗的道路上走了出来。很简单，今天每活着的个麻瓜都欠阿不福思一份感激之情。大概。

当然，他不是圣人。他威胁要在霍格沃茨的最后一战中将斯莱特林的学生当作人质。他对山羊的兴趣引起了威森加摩的官方谴责。但并不是说我们需要关注这个。

但是从更大更广的角度来看。如果没有阿不福思·邓布利多，哈利、他的朋友们、霍格沃兹乃至世界的命运将会大不相同。因为阿不福思·邓布利多才是真的山羊（GOAT）。

又如：有史以来最伟大的（Greatest Of All Time）。

The landlord of the Hog’s Head attracted his fair share of innuendo. But he also deserved plenty of credit for making brilliant calls on the hoof.

So what if Aberforth Dumbledore liked goats? A goat was his Patronus. He kept goats. Tended to them. Was fond of goat-related fiction. But we don’t need to dwell on that.

The point is that Aberforth Dumbledore was also an unsung hero in the Harry Potter books. After all, he helped Harry during a pivotal point in his story, and was never afraid to butt heads with others.

So Aberforth wasn’t a people person. He proudly refused entry to, and maintained a longstanding grudge with, nefarious swindler Mundungus Fletcher, for example. He’d been alleged to sling dung – goat dung, naturally – at people he had disagreements with. He’d frequently been inclined to describe close associates as ‘bloody fools’ or ‘old berk(s)’.

But this crotchetiness is understandable when you consider his life story.

As a child Aberforth saw his innocent younger sister attacked by Muggles just for being different. His sister – Ariana – went on to shun most people, apart from Aberforth. Struggling to keep a lid on her magical abilities, Ariana went on to accidentally kill their mother during a violent outburst. All the while his older brother, the illustrious Albus Dumbledore, was able to focus on his work, proceed to become headmaster of Hogwarts, and go down in history as one of the greats.

Aberforth was certainly entitled to be a bit grouchy, and grouchy he definitely was. His moodiness meant Aberforth was keen on fighting, with a fondness for duelling over debate. He was certainly not perfect, and was quite possibly illiterate – according to his own brother.

But Aberforth’s pivotal role in fighting the forces of darkness cannot be overstated.

He sneaked Harry, Ron and Hermione into the Hog’s Head under the cover of his hircine (meaning ‘goat-like’, word-fans) Patronus to escape the Death Eaters. Ever the pessimist, he locked horns with Harry, questioning Albus’s good judgement in entrusting the fate of the world to the young Boy Who Lived.

He also maintained a vital lifeline supplying food to the Room of Requirement, without which Dumbledore’s Army would likely have floundered.

Need more convincing? Students could never have escaped Hogwarts in their relieved hundreds during the final vicious Death Eater attack without the passage to the Hog’s Head, accessed via his beloved sister’s portrait.

More? Dobby would never have saved the day at Malfoy Manor, had Aberforth not dispatched his elfin buddy to rescue Harry and friends from the clutches of Bellatrix Lestrange.

Still more than those heroics, even, Aberforth’s main contribution to civilisation was all too often overlooked. Were it not for Aberforth’s brave conduct in a wand battle decades ago, evil would have triumphed long before Harry was even born.

When the Dumbledores still lived at home, Gellert Grindelwald paid Albus a visit. High-achieving Albus was drawn to young Grindelwald’s striking ability and charisma. Soon, Dumbledore was embroiled in Grindelwald’s plans to subjugate Muggles on a global scale. Pooling their considerable resources, they could well have changed history. Protective of Ariana, Aberforth ended up in a duel with Grindelwald and Albus – to disastrous results.

Of course, this was the duel where a stray curse killed Ariana. Nobody knew for sure whose wand was to blame, but Grindelwald fled, having incapacitated Aberforth with an agonising Cruciatus Curse.

After Aberforth broke Albus’s nose at their sister’s funeral, decades of brooding resentment between the two brothers followed.

But Grindelwald was gone, and Albus soon turned from what could have been a dark path. Quite simply, every Muggle alive today owes Aberforth a debt of gratitude. Probably.

Sure, he was no saint. He threatened to take Slytherin pupils hostage during the final battle for Hogwarts. And his interest in goats drew official censure from the Wizengamot. Not that we need to focus on that.

But look at the wider picture. Without Aberforth Dumbledore the fate of Harry, his friends, Hogwarts and, indeed, the world would be a very different place. Because Aberforth Dumbledore truly was the GOAT.

As in: Greatest Of All Time.